I’m scared. Cold and frightened. You see, I’m attempting to cut down on coffee. Maybe eventually cutting it out (insert scream emoji here). Coffee has become my BFF (don’t take it away from me) but it’s also become apparent that we’re in a co-dependent relationship. I dream of coffee, I anticipate coffee, it’s always there when I’m tired, procrastinating, got an extra $5 bucks to spend and it’s on every street corner. It picks me up and then it smacks me back down harder (all the highs and the lows and the to’s and the fro’s, they left me dizzy). Since giving up the booze, caffeine has been my addiction du jour. One became two became three became sort-of four. In the holidays, it’s always coffee o’clock! I can tell how dependent I am on it by how the thought of giving it up terrifies me. They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, no, no, no!

 Slowly, slowly catch a monkey: When I gave up the booze, I went cold (shivery, sweaty) turkey. I’m trying a gentler approach this time (self-love and all that) and cutting down. I think the first cup of the day is a keeper (for the time being). The alarm goes off, the cat miaows and I put the kettle on Polly-Robot-style and brew up a bulletproofish coffee. For the mid-morning, post-lunch and mid-afternoon brews I will try the ‘Four D’ technique I learnt for giving up alcohol; Delay-cravings come and go like waves so ride it out brah. Drink a big glass of water and let them roll out. Distract: keep busy-where’s my knitting? Deep breathing: I know! I’ll meditate instead. De-catastrophise-yes I’m not having a coffee but the world won’t end (probably).

Substitutions accepted: There’s physical and psychological elements to addiction. Physical like the caffeine my system has come to rely on and the act of imbibing a hot drink and psychological like the feeling of having a treat (which I deserve god dammit), being sociable and marking time in the day (I have measured out my life with coffee spoons). If you just cut something out of your life, there will be a big gap left in it so… enter substitutes. With booze, I substituted fizzy drinks (all hail ginger beer) and with coffee, I am substituting decaf (Jasper Peru Café Femenino Decaf) and a tiny teaspoon of mushroom powder (Teexlixer Chaga). This way I get the delicious aroma (has someone made a coffee perfume yet?) and flavour of coffee with a little natural kick. I can order a decaf a la café and switch it up to a cacao or herbal tea or a H2O (nature’s cocktail) as needed. As for the headaches;  water, breathing, peppermint oil and….panadol but this too shall pass.

Have you given up stuff? Can I handle the decaf jandal? We shall see…

 Love and light and make mine decaf xxx Yvette

The Four D’s


Jasper decaf coffee

Stone Cold Sober

The Libertines

Amy Winehouse

TS Elliot