Thanks for reading my bloggy this year. Here’s a bit of a few of the most-read 2018 ones on addiction, intuition and more…
Since sharing about my sobriety journey, I have become aware that other peeps are in a similar boat. I tried to stop drinking many times but it wasn’t until I got to the point where I physically couldn’t take any more that I was able to stop. As they say, you don’t know it’s enough until you know it’s too much and this chestnut advocating for the all or nothing approach, one drink is too many and a hundred drinks are not enough. There have been things that have been helpful to me to stop drinking that may be helpful for others too. Whether your poison is booze, pills, sugar or caffeine, these can help. An addict isn’t always facedown on the tram or stumbling around the streets looking for their next fix, they can be regular ‘functional’ ‘respectable’ members of the community like me and you, hanging out for coffee or wine o’clock.
A room of one’s own
“Give her a room of her own and five hundred a year, let her speak her mind and leave out half that she now puts in, and she will write a better book one of these days” Virginia Woolf.
I used to think that temporariness would bring me the sense of freedom I so desired. A futon and an Ikea clothes rack and a 6 month lease somewhere in the inner North. Different addresses, different housemates and definitely no pets. Although I loved (many of) my housemates, there was the uncertainty of who’d be home and when, if those leftovers would still be in the fridge and how much the electricity bill would be this time round (can’t you buy a blanket rather than crack the heating up to 11-I’ve been on both sides of this one). My heart would leap when I came home and saw the light wasn’t on so I could have the place all to myself. Hurrah!
Trust your Intuition
Have you ever had a feeling that something good or bad was going to happen? Like, you thought about taking the back streets home and then had a sick feeling in your stomach and thought ‘no’ for no apparent reason and found out later there was a crash in that street. Or you meet someone and instantly feel connected like you’ve known them your whole life and you get a warm fuzzy feeling. Or you’re thinking about someone and then they call. This is our intuition or sixth sense (I see dead people. In your dreams? No, walking around like regular people). It’s a very powerful internal guidance system that is like a muscle which gets stronger the more it’s used. So how does it work and how can we strengthen it?
I’m scared. Cold and frightened. You see, I’m attempting to cut down on coffee. Maybe eventually cutting it out (insert scream emoji here). Coffee has become my BFF (don’t take it away from me) but it’s also become apparent that we’re in a co-dependent relationship. I dream of coffee, I anticipate coffee, it’s always there when I’m tired, procrastinating, got an extra $5 bucks to spend and it’s on every street corner. It picks me up and then it smacks me back down harder (all the highs and the lows and the to’s and the fro’s, they left me dizzy). Since giving up the booze, caffeine has been my addiction du jour. One became two became three became sort-of four. In the holidays, it’s always coffee o’clock! I can tell how dependent I am on it by how the thought of giving it up terrifies me. They tried to make me go to rehab, I said, no, no, no!
I’ve spent much of my life jumping out the window and making a break for it. Sometimes it was a real window (luckily only from the first or second floors) and other times it was a metaphorical window. My go-to coping mechanism is being avoidant. You name it, I’ve avoided it. Slept through it. Not answered it. Blurred it with a sip. Stayed quiet. Put on my shades. Avoided that uncomfortable conversation, the scary change, the boat rocking.
Love and light and let’s continue to weave the future magical together xxx Yvette