Oh yes that’s right. This holding-your-breath-stinging-eye pain. This is why she had encased her heart and put it safely on the shelf. And now? She remembered the potential pain that goes with possibility. It rushed back. She knew it all too well. What was wrong with her? Too blonde? Too silly? Too stupid? Too soft? Screw him! He was the one who was too…

May it please the court: So about that ‘accept rejection graciously’ bit in my previous blog, I’d like to get that removed from the record for the duration of this Your Honour. I can’t and won’t accept it and you can’t make me! How can I be reasonable in the face of strong emotion? Sure, being rejected after 1 or 2 dates isn’t the end of the world, but it’s not nothing either. It was an investment of time and energy and myself and it had momentum and intention behind it. My nerves are shot to bloody pieces meeting strangers sober and then I do and I’m myself and then…a thanks but no thanks text or a…it’s not you it’s me text (Nobody tells me it’s them, not me! If it’s anybody, it’s me).

Hell hath no fury and all that: Feelings need to felt fully so you can move through them. Regardless of whether it was a one-date thing or a divorce-after-15-years thing (I imagine, let’s see if I can make it past a week first…), if you stuff these feelings down with booze/ food/ Netflix/ exercise binges, they will be silently waiting (like a ninja) to be processed sooner or later. So might as well be sooner…There may be rage (fuck that fucker), jealousy (what’s she got that I don’t?), self-loathing (what the fuck’s wrong with me?), shame (why did I go on that ill-advised hippy-dippy rant?), disappointment (I coulda been a contender) and sadness (that was my last shot at happiness). Get these feelings out any way you can. Writing notes and burning them, raging into a pillow, sobbing through a sad movie (if you’re a bird, I’m a bird) and, my personal favourite, singing/ shouting break-up songs in the car (see Yvette’s Heartbreak Hits Spotify Playlist below).

WTF was that? Louise Hay says to look for the lesson in every relationship as everyone is teaching you something. Maybe sometimes it’s best that it was quick class and not a 2 year course that you would have received virtually the same learning from. Still unsure WTF I’m specifically meant to learn from these jerks but for the time being I can affirm this, “Other people may come and go but I am always here for me”. Some might say that surely the lesson is to toughen up, be less vulnerable, develop a thicker skin but I think the lesson is more about learning to stay open hearted and hopeful in spite of setbacks. Anyhoo,“I am love”, so I don’t need anyone to give it to me so no one can take that away from me. So there!

Watch this space for more hilarious mishaps and heartbreaks and until then…

Love and light and I AM LOVE DAMMIT! Xxx Yvette

Yvette’s Heartbreak Hits Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/1276140721/playlist/56EG6YtUaI3Jc5pcxOIbQm?si=R_I_e6fRSbyBP1A6gZvCUg

Name-artist: Best bit for shouting

Can’t Breathe-Tanya Stephens:

Usually me woulda say goodbye and I wish you well
But not to you, I hope your life turns out to be hell

Bet you think I want you to die but no, I want you to live
And suffer and cry like I did
I’m just keepin’ it real
I just so me feel

I hope you can’t live without me
Can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t breathe
Can’t get your mind to stop thinking about me

Heavy Heart-You am I

It’s just a low rent paying, palpitating pulp inside my shirt
But there’s a weight that’s sitting
So hard oh God it hurts
Oh God it hurts

Praying-Kesha

Whoa oh oh oh, some say, in life, you’re gonna get what you give
But some things only God can forgive

Yeah! (insert incredibly high note here) I hope you’re somewhere prayin’, prayin’
I hope your soul is changin’, changin’
I hope you find your peace
Falling on your knees, prayin’

All too well-Taylor Swift

Maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,
And maybe this thing was a masterpiece ’til you tore it all up.
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.

Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.
So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
‘Cause I remember it all, all, all too well.

 Ex-Factor-Lauryn Hill

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way?
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you can’t stay

 Want U Back-Cher Lloyd

Remember all the things that you and I did first?
And now you’re doing them with her
Remember all the things that you and I did first?
You got me, got me like this. Urgh!!

 Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now-The Smiths

In my life
Why do I give valuable time
To people who don’t care if I live or die?

Two lovers entwined pass me by
And heaven knows I’m miserable now

 Under the Influence-Eminem *parental guidance recommended

So you can suck my dick if you don’t like, my shit
‘Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick
‘Cause I don’t give a fuck if you don’t like, my shit
‘Cause I was high when I wrote this so suck, my dick

 Leggy Blonde-Flight of the Conchords

Now that you are gone
I’ll never see you here for tech repair
Wish you knew how much I loved
Your legs and your hair
Leggy blonde, goodbye, goodbye

 Haven’t Met You Yet-Micheal Buble (pivoting sharply back towards love)

Oh I might have to wait
I’ll never give up
I guess it’s half timing and the other half’s luck
Wherever you are
Whenever it’s right
You’ll come out of nowhere and into my life

 With inspiration from:

Hell hath no fury is an interpreted line based on a quotation from The Mourning Bride, a play by William Congreve, which reads in full “Heav’n has no rage like love to hatred turn’d / Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn’d.”

Seinfeld episode: The Lip Reader: George: You’re giving me the “it’s not you, it’s me” routine? I invented “it’s not you, it’s me!” Nobody tells me it’s them, not me! If it’s anybody, it’s me.

 On the Waterfront: Terry Malloy: You don’t understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it. 

The Notebook: Noah (Ryan Gosling) and Allie (Rachel McAdams) play in the ocean: she tells him she could have been a bird in another life. … Allie: Now say you’re a bird, too. Noah: If youre a birdI’m a bird.