It’s been over a year since I summoned up the courage to ‘put myself out there’ by online dating. Please, no medal for bravery required, but I do appreciate the sentiment. It did involve the challenges of leaving the house, trying to look nice and talking to strangers. Here’s what I learned from 13 first dates, 7 second dates, 3 third dates, 2 rejections, 2 better-as-friends and 1 Bae…
“The Universe sends me the perfect people for the perfect lessons” Louise Hay.
Look for the learning: I tried to approach each date as an opportunity to learn something about life and humanity. Everyone has something to teach me and a mirror to hold up to show me something about myself. Sometimes this was easy like when it was topic I loved like acting or mindfulness or a reminder of how I’m always smiling and sometimes this was hard like when it was an uncomfortable topic like embittered custody disputes or why I was such a singleton and the way I use humour to deflect everything. It was tough to be the rejecter and the rejected. I feel compassion for those I pulled the pin on and I still feel the sting and a flush of injustice when I think about the dates who agreed to future dates and then abruptly cancelled prior. WHY?! *“Once again…things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!” Ultimately, I learned that we’re all human and this means we’re all vulnerable and imperfect. It strengthened my respect for the resilience of the human heart and love in all its forms; romantic, unrequited, co-parents, friendships, daydreams…
“We are not held back by the love we didn’t receive in the past, but by the love we’re not extending in the present” Marianne Williamson.
Rethinking relationships: Relationships are definitely our greatest teachers. I realised that a lot of the high and lows in my previous ones were caused by me and mostly existed in my head. I’d jump in quick and accelerate it fast. I’d feel I needed to be perfect and then get insecure because I’m not and then get drunk and get jealous and pick a fight so things went up and then they came down. I always thought it was the other-guy not me but now I see a lot of it was me. I can be myself with Bae unashamedly in my trackies singing Taylor and quoting “The Office’. I’ve even converted him to stanning both. I appreciate that we have our own spaces and time apart. I now understand that relationships are a choice you make and a not an all-or-nothing-or-I’ll die- type of thing. Which is surprisingly unsustainable. Sobriety helps a lot as does mindfulness. I don’t need to skip-to-the-end but can enjoy the present.
So, wherever you are in your dating journey, try to reframe it to make it a valuable learning experience. I’m learning now that love doesn’t go away, it just changes form.
Love and light and once again…things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY! xxxYvette
*Things That Should’ve Been Said Yesterday – The Wedding Singer (2 min clip)
**Stan/ stanning: To be an overzealous or obsessive fan of a particular celebrity.
“You all know I stanTaylor Swift, so I can’t wait for Loverfest to come to Oz”
My Blogs about Dating: https://weavethefuturemagical.com/2018/09/21/dating-101/
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