Change is natural, change is good, not everybody does it. But everybody should.
I’ve become a stickler for routines and consistency. The same lunch and route to work. Roast vegetables and Bell Street. When I was younger, I’d make changes lightly. Like moving to Melbourne from Sydney just cos my friend was. Shedding houses and jobs when they no longer suited, changing hair colours for the heck of it. Pink hair anyone? Part of it was probably restlessness, being desirous of everything at the same time* and on a quest for meaning. Stability and a packed lunch hast comforted me marvellous much** in many ways but fighting change is not possible or enjoyable.
Like, I ultimately want to live near the beach and have a peaceful job but the inner-North and a roomful of small children is what is familiar and constant. When I think about these changes and scroll through realestate.com and seek.com, I get a thrill of excitement before the fear jumps in with the cons list. I’m comfortable. I know how to drive there. Bella is at home here. That involves uncomfortable conversations, the unknown and potentially spending a lot of money. What good amid these, O me, O life?*** (that’s right guys, I have a degree in English and I’m not afraid to use it).
To become more comfortable with the idea of change, I’m trying a ‘fear-setting list’ rather than a ‘goal-setting’ one. Guru Tim Ferriss come up with this, based on the idea that, “most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty”. This is the process he suggests;
- Define your nightmare, the absolute worst that could happen if you did what you are considering. End up jobless and broke.
- What steps could you take to repair the damage or get things back on the upswing, even if temporarily? Chances are, it’s easier than you imagine. How could you get things back under control? Do more relief work, babysit, retail/hospo for old time’s sake.
- What are the outcomes or benefits, both temporary and permanent, of more probable scenarios? A well-paid job that is easy and fun for me.
- If you were fired from your job today, what would you do to get things under financial control? Do more relief work, babysit, retail/hospo for old time’s sake
- What are you putting off out of fear? Usually, what we most fear doing is what we most need to do. Telling my workplace this.
- What is it costing you—financially, emotionally, and physically—to postpone action? Mo money and fun, stress induced illness. Sniff!
- What are you waiting for? To not be scared. It ain’t gonna happen. Take action anyhoo please Yvette.
So, how can you use this process to make those seemingly scary changes? Like a new job or sea change. Or at least to try something new for lunch and a different route to work to start with… Tim says, “what we fear doing most is usually what we most need to do” and he’s a dude dude!
Love and light and yay me yay life! Xxx Yvette
*“[…]the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”
― Jack Kerouac, On the road
“Well, thou hast comforted me marvelous much.
Go in, and tell my lady I am gone,
Having displeased my father, to Lawrence’s cell
To make confession and to be absolved.
-Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
O Me! O Life!
BY WALT WITMAN
Oh me! Oh life! of the questions of these recurring,
Of the endless trains of the faithless, of cities fill’d with the foolish,
Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)
Of eyes that vainly crave the light, of the objects mean, of the struggle ever renew’d,
Of the poor results of all, of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me,
Of the empty and useless years of the rest, with the rest me intertwined,
The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?
That you are here—that life exists and identity,
That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.
Tim Ferris Fear setting blog
Fear setting Ted talk