Part 1 of 2
No man is an island (apparently) and relationships with others are inevitable. But negotiating these can sometimes be a minefield. Does he like me? Is she mad at me? Why are they always too busy? I said I was FINE! How can we navigate the sometimes stormy seas in our relation ships?
“From now on your mantra is mysterious and busy” In a Relationship (Netflix movie)
I’m certainly no expert in love and my online dating experiences have revealed me to be less mysterious and busy and more of an overly enthusiastic open book. Love in my younger years was more co-dependence, drunkenness and Romeo and Juliet all-or-nothingness. But with age and sobriety came a vision of a different kind of relationship. One of fun, friendship and independence; two whole people deciding to be together rather than the ‘you complete me’ vibe of a bygone era.
My major couple goals are Hamish Blake and Zoë Foster Blake, the latter of whom wrote an excellent book, Love, on this very subject. Zoë espouses the need for self-love and high self-worth as “you teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself” and says “a healthy relationship feels great. It feels easy”. Become clear on your non-negotiables and look for couples with shippable relationships and stalk them or take notes from a safe distance. I aim to say what I mean and do what I say, treat myself to coffees and kind words and trust that, as Louise Hay says, “the right person will recognise me as someone worth loving” and accept me as I am, woo woo up the wazoo.
“Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering…” Don Miguel Ruiz. Agreement 2 in “The Four Agreements’.
Gracias Don Miguel, the hours I’ve spent agonising over why a colleague looked at me like that or didn’t say hello or offer me a cup of tea when they made themselves one, could’ve all been better spent doing anything else if I’d realised agreement 2 earlier. It’s hard not to think that the world revolves around you and everyone is reacting to you directly and to rack your brain for what you might’ve done to attract your colleague’s resting bitch-face or brusque manner.
But everyone is the centre of their own world and you are only responsible for and can control you. So, I can bring my own resting smiley face and always say hi and offer a tea but it’s not helpful to try and make a link between your work performance and a colleague’s reaction…is there no tea for me cause I was late responding to that email…that shit’ll send you cray cray so remember agreement 2. Actually agreements 1-4 are applicable to pretty much everything so gracias again Don Miguel.
Join me in my relation ship next week as we explore friendship and family.
Love and light and we’re gonna need a bigger boat xxx Yvette
The Four Agreements are:
- Be impeccable with your word.
- Don’t take anything personally.
- Don’t make assumptions.
- Always do your best.
‘We’re gonna need a bigger boat’. Phrase originally used by actor Roy Schneider in ‘Jaws’. He utters the line when he gets a good look at the size of the shark that is circling the small fishing boat he is on.
When someone says “I ship us/them”
it means that someone supports a romantic relationship between two people.
Katie- “Yvette and the Gos are so cute
Jenna- “I ship them.”