“Where do you see this going?” he asked. “Inevitable doom and destruction?” She resisted the urge to respond.

Every time he said ‘ex’, it was like he slapped her across the face. It was so harsh! She flinched and thought her name was probably something lovely and soft-sounding like Sophie or Lucy.

So many questions! This was like a bloody job interview. She was sweating and dry-mouthed. She felt like grabbing the jug of water and tipping it over her head. She’d never been good under test conditions.

Which one’s your favourite? Dysfunctional and drinking problem or custody dispute and commitment issues? It’s just so hard to choose!

Yes, he was very nice about tearing her wretched heart in twain. And stomping on it and setting it alight and vomiting all over it. Think of the Labradoodles they could’ve co-owned! And now it was her turn to tear that other guy’s wretched heart in twain. So swings and roundabouts really.

3 divorces and not 1 choreographed wedding dance? Well that was a missed opportunity if ever there was one!

He launched into a monologue about loveless marriages and war. A bit grim but it gets worse. 6 drinks later he was alternating between getting her mixed up with someone else, lecturing her about Latin and lamenting his mother’s passing. She sipped soda water and looked for the learning. Afterwards he said,“Next time I wish you’d open up more and share something of yourself”. What?! When? He’d barely left a pause. Next time?… Are you joking?

“There must be a reason you’re still single”, he said. Well…maybe but still…ruude! Hello? Pot? Kettle? Black?

He asked if she wanted to get married. “You’re proposing? Already? I’ll get the pre-nup drawn up”. He was not amused.

Which Daddies have the kids this weekend? Eek! I’m up to my eyeballs in custody arrangements. It’s a logistical fucking nightmare. These people living God-knows where, working God-knows when and seeing the children week-about whatever that meant.

It really was the little things. Like the way he filled up her water glass first. That was nice. Spoke volumes. She could live with that.